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Codependent is a term that gets thrown around a lot these days but the true meaning of which is understood by few. Codependency is complicated because there are degrees of codependency in any relationship. Just like with mental illness, most of us could read the list of symptoms and think “oh my god, that sounds like me!” However, the real issue is the severity of the symptoms and how much they impact our quality of life. Codependency is similar.

We’re all a little bit codependent, but how do you know if it’s going too far? find out below.

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Codependency can be defined as any kind of relationship where two people become so invested in each other that they can no longer function independently.

The obvious kind

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An obvious form of codependency occurs in relationships where substance abuse is involved. If one person in the relationship suffers from an addiction, they may become entirely dependent on the other person for money and shelter.

The more subtle kind

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That’s an extreme example. Emotional codependency also occurs in the most healthy and normal-seeming relationships. It’s also not restricted to romantic relationships. It’s possible to have codependent relationships with friends and family, too.

Difficult to detect

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Codependent relationships can be extremely destructive. That’s because we often don’t realize we’re in them, so we don’t know how to get out. It’s healthy for partners to depend on each other and support each other, but there needs to be a balance between independence and mutual support.

Losing your sense of self

Codependency occurs when this balance is off kilter. Your mood, your happiness, and even your identity become inextricably linked to the other person.

The giver and the taker

In codependent relationships, romantic or otherwise, there is usually one person who takes on the more passive, caring role, and one who has the more dominant role.

An imbalance of care

The passive person relies heavily on the other to help them make decisions and reassure them. The dominant person gains some kind of reward from having this control over the other person.

Relationship addiction

Codependency is sometimes referred to as “relationship addiction.” It’s similar to addiction because the person becomes dependent on something that’s harmful for them, but it’s extremely difficult to break the habit.

Enabling

Enabling is one of the key signs of a codependent relationship. Enabling can be defined as any behavior that aims to ease tension in the relationship caused by the other person’s problematic habits.

Constant dig outs

This could be something extreme like repeatedly bailing someone out of jail, or giving them money every time they get into debt. This is common in relationships where substance abuse or gambling addictions are involved.

Finding excuses

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Enabling can also occur in more subtle ways. One partner might always be accepting excuses for the shortcomings of the other. They always give second chances, and even try to solve the other person’s problems for them.